A DATE WITH JANE

By Vwede OVERAH
As a young man, what would you do if a young lady you never knew before suddenly emerges from nowhere, seizes you by the collars or trousers and start attracting the attention of the public with curses and cries that you didn’t pay for taking her to bed?

This was the kind of nasty situation Emeka foresaw happening the day he met Jane…or rather the day she intruded into his privacy. Recalling that one of his close pals, Jude recently found himself in this kind of messy situation, Emeka resolved to be gentle; calm and take things easy. He wondered why ladies choose to embark on this method to extort money from innocent and unsuspecting men.

But for the height and maybe the complexion, this lady matched with the description of the one that accosted Jude. Meanwhile, while Jude was ‘attacked’ in a supermarket, Emeka found himself caged in a popular restaurant.

It was a different story some two hours earlier.

Suddenly jolted to consciousness by the small alarm clock placed near his head, Emeka quickly took his towel and jumped into the bathroom. It was 3.00p.m and in less than forty-five minutes he was suppose to be with Bola. Bola was a lady he admires and had been wooing for quite some time. Agreeing to take her out on a date, he thought, was all he needed, at least, to kickoff a relationship.

The excitement that filled him as he hurriedly took his bathe and got dressed-up would better be imagined. It was a D-day.

Within forty minutes he was in front of the restaurant. Alighting from the taxi, he sauntered into the premises. Hands akimbo, he waited awhile at the car park before it dawned on him that he should be inside. The car park wasn’t the right place for a decent looking gentleman to wait for a date. The fact that one had a designer’s perfume and suit on made it look more embarrassing.

Emeka was lucky to get a place for two in the almost crowed restaurant. With a glass of wine in his front, he unconsciously looked the way of the entrance whenever the doors slide open. Anxiety got to fever pitch when he took a glance at his wrist watch and noticed that Bola was ten minutes behind schedule. Just as he wondered reason(s) for her lateness, the least expected happened.

From the blues, a scantily dressed lady appeared and gently sat on the other seat. She hardly got down before passing pleasantries.

“Hello there! You look so good in that outfit”. Touching the lapel and simultaneously taking a deep breath, she continued. “Hmmm, fine texture and I like your perfume. It must be Pierre Cardin”.

“I beg your pardon! Who are you?! And for your information that’s my spouse’s seat. Get up! Emeka yelled. This had no effect on her as she looked around, giggled and pushed her busty chest towards him. “That’s how you men behave at times, and yet you’d say it’s ladies that are full of shakara. I saw you alighting from the taxi alone; you came in alone; you have been here alone for about ten minutes and yet you say this is your spouse’s seat. Which spouse?!

Emeka, seeing that his words didn’t move her, thought of Jude and concluded that he has met another Jezebel and the only way out for him was to move elsewhere. He looked around but, voila, everywhere was filled up.

“Haba! Gentleman, feel at ease; stay cool; you are in safe hands. I am Jane”, she said as she stretched her hand over the glass of wine for a handshake. He snubbed her. She laughed noisily as she picked up the glass, took a sip and continued. “Yah, this is fine wine. I hope you wouldn’t mind getting another one for yourself.

Catching her eyes looking the direction of the security agents, Jane quickly retorted: “I don’t think you would want to do that; at least not to a beauty like Jane”.  Emeka watched her gulp down the whole content of the glass as he wondered where this spotlessly pretty and lousy prostitute fell from. More astonishing to him was the ease with which she spoke flawless English language. He thought of Bola and why she decided to stay away. He wasn’t even sure whether this was a set-up. Three taps from Jane’s long nails on the glass table brought him back to consciousness.

“We have been here now for about twenty minutes and yet we have not seen your spouse. Anyway, I am not surprised. That’s the way it is with some of you men. The next moment you would be asking me if I wouldn’t mind a night out. Besides, you behave like my Psychology lecturer. He remains quiet as if he is dumb but surprises all whenever he speaks.”

“Don’t tell me that you are a student”. “Yes, of course I am. I am in my final year in the faculty of Education. Are you surprised?”  “But what are you doing here?”, he asked. “Haba! That is a funny question. This is weekend! Besides, even you, what is your business here?”

Emeka stared at her curiously as she made her way towards the sales girls at the counter. He wasn’t sure whether she was telling the truth. Finding out the truth would be easy, he thought. Easy because he also studied Education and had electives in Educational Psychology in the university. He intends to ask her some basic questions.

Turning around to take a glance at her, he noticed for the first time that Jane was equally as pretty from behind the way the way she was from the front. Her eyes caught him as he stared at her sheepishly. She giggled and winked at him. For a moment, he hated himself, felt ashamed and somehow became uncomfortable. He fiddled with his cell phone for a while before deciding to call Bola again.

“Hello Lady B”. I hope all is fine? You ‘ve kept me here for about an hour now. What’s happening?

“I am indeed very sorry”. Her voice pierced through the earpiece.

I have been in a terrible traffic for over an hour. Please, I am sorry. I am almost there. Please, wait”.

“Okay”.

Jane arrived with a tray filled with assorted snacks and two packs of fruit juice.

“Don’t tell me you just spoke to your imaginary spouse” she said as she descended on a beef burger and took two sips from her glass.

Pushing the tray towards Emeka, she continues. ‘I think it would be proper to have this on the table while we wait for her”. He ignored the offer.

“You said you are an Educational Psychology undergraduate.”

“Yes. What about that?”

“ I also had my first degree in Educational Psychology but that was a long time ago, when men were boys. Now tell me, what you understand by Field Learning.”

She cast a distant look at him as she picked a doughnut from the tray. For a moment silence reigned. It was an uneasy one. While he wondered the reason for her sudden change in behavior, she could not fathom the motive for this unusual academic question in a restaurant of all places.

“You are a very funny man! I don’t even know your name or who you are and yet you are asking me many questions. You know my name already; you know I am a student. Who are you?

“Paul. Paul Wilson.” He lied. “Now let us continue from where we stopped. Elbows on the table, and interlocking her red long finger nails under her chin. Jane started what turned out to be a twenty minute mini lecture on Field Learning. Though brief, she touched on all the major fundamental theories of learning: classical conditioning and many others.

The mere mention of exponents like Wolfgang Kohler, Ivan Pavlov, Max Wertheimer, Kurt Lewin and Jerome Brunner and their contributions to psychology of learning was enough to convince Emeka that the lady was grounded in the field. To Emeka, it was like a refresher course. He was impressed. But one riddle he found very difficult to provide an answer to was her mission in the restaurant.

Jane was still talking when a waitress came around with a bill of almost nine thousand naira. It was placed before Emeka as both ladies stared at him for a while. Again, silence reigned.

A visibly confused Emeka couldn’t understand why a glass of wine would cost that much. But a closer look at the slip showed that Jane’s expenses were also incorporated. Irritated, he reluctantly brought out his wallet, paid the bills and got a noisy giggle and a tap on the shoulder from her. Just then, the young gentleman realized how dangerous it would be for his sweetheart, Bola to come in and meet this lady. Anything can happen. Moreover, he wouldn’t want to be taken unawares again. Parting with another nine thousand naira or thereabout would render him koboless.

Hence, he decided to call it a day. Waiting two hours for a date and getting something else was bad enough.

While waiting for a taxi one stopped right in front of him and behold, Bola alighted. In a swift move, he stopped the driver before he could step on the accelerator.

“Bola, I think it would be better if we spend the time at the National Theatre.” Just then, she sighted Jane at the entrance of the restaurant calling.

“Emeka look around. It seems someone needs your attention.”

“Please, ignore anyone for now. Our outing is more important.” He retorted.

“Oga, to where?” The cab man asked. “To National Theatre” Bola replied.

Posted by: Splendid!