Naturally, any lady could be admired, approached, dated and
even hugged intimately but just about a few seemed qualified for the next
crucial level – marriage. WHY?!
This is one fundamental question that goes through one’s
mind whenever one sees them still single, especially at that very ripe age.
Pretty, educated, good diction, and so on; yet they still wait for MR. RIGHT.
Below are some reasons attributed to this delay. They could
be more than these.
Ready-made man
One major reason we still see many ladies unmarried is because they just
want to be ready for marriage and walk into it immediately, with the right man.
To many of them the right man is he who is gainfully employed or doing well in
his own business; he must have all luxury and necessities of life and should be
ready to provide for all her needs.
Commonsense should tell everyone that beside every successful man is
always a woman. The one who struggled and endured the stormy days and years
with him. No man in his right senses
will think of discarding his lady for any gold digger. Many who do not reason in this direction get
themselves used and dumped.
Religion
At times, one wonders if religion has done more good to the society or
more harm. Before the coming to Africa of Christianity, Islam and others all
the parents needed to know is family background. They ask questions and
sometimes send out spies to investigate the other family. Once parents are sure
the other family are not relatives, does not have some nasty habits, diseases
in their lineage the marriage is consummated.
These days what do we have? Christians and Moslems even of the some
community or village do not inter-marry.
Parents encourage this. This problem is also commonplace even among
Christians of different denominations.
Hence, our young ladies who grew up into this tradition would also want
to imbibe it and possibly pass it on to the next generation.
Physical Attributes
This is a funny one! More often than not, visualizing the dream man and
his fantastic attributes start from an early age. This starts, in most cases,
in early adolescent. A time when the physical attributes of the female are
gradually surfacing, when romantic novels becomes part the reading culture.
Mainly influenced by these books, they begin to envision what and how she
wants her man to be. A lot of times, they want him tall, handsome, light
complexioned, gentle, curly hair, broad-shouldered, thin moustache, etc. These
ideas are engraved on the mind and outside the books, they start looking for
these men, looking for the impossible. All the attributes cannot be found in
one single person! But they spend a better part of their adult years looking
for them.
Tribe
Before now, inter-tribal marriages were seriously frowned at, especially
if both parties/ communities do not speak same language or are distance apart.
But contemporary Nigeria seems to be relegating this attitude to the past.
Some ladies through parental influence still hold this as key criteria
for marriage.
Trust Issues
Some young ladies find it difficult to love again because of bad
experience from past relationships. They fail to realize that water can take
and water can give life. What is paramount is the way and manner one handles
and manages a relationship.
Domineering Nature
By nature, some girls always want to be in-charge. They want to dominate
anyone in anything. It takes a pretty or rich lady to exhibit this attitude
without negative response from the man. But one thing this lady has to know for
sure is that that man is definitely not thinking of taking her to the altar.
He will just hang around a bit longer, catch more fun, enjoy the wealth
as much as possible before disappearing into thin air.
Career Consciousness
Some ladies tend to believe that getting married is a sort of bondage. To
them their job comes first before anything. Unfortunately, this belief seems to
be associated with the many working class ladies; especially those who see
themselves as ‘career ladies’.
However, what they fail to realize or choose to ignore is that marriage
precedes career in the realm of respect and responsibility both in the short
and long run. No man, with intentions of marriage would compromise a marital
happiness for a self-centered and irresponsible partner.
Independence
This is related to the last point. Due to certain incomprehensive
influences these ladies do not believe men should provide for them. They do not
want to be subservient. They always want to have it their own ways QED.
We know the average African man wants to be respected, consulted and
looked up to in all family-related matters. Any babe showing signs pointing to
the contrary would hardly transform to becoming a wife. Ladies just have to
watch it!
Naivety
One popular wish and prayer I have heard people say is for God to give
them the grace to recognize fine opportunities whenever they come knocking. As
Christian, I know opportunities come in different guise. In most cases
repugnant.
For our lady, the right man, the God sent one could come at anytime and
would meet with her anywhere. We have heard many stories of men proposing
marriage to a girl that believes she is not ready. She is never ready because
she is either still too young (at 22, why the rush?), still in school and
wouldn’t want her studies to be disturbed or she wants her elder sister to get
married first even if she is reluctant.
Bad Manners
Notwithstanding beauty, knowledge, status or family background, any lady
with nasty attitude would have her marriage dream truncated. Many a times these
nasty attitudes come in different forms: rudeness, arrogance, laziness,
pretentiousness, self-centeredness, flirtatiousness, and so on.
Nasty Past
Yes! This one is very important.
More often than others, even in African movies, we have seen how past lifestyle
of ladies ruin their happiness. At every point in time, on should always think
and consider the future in all our actions and inactions.
Some ladies decide to feel free
and have all sorts of fun with every man that approaches them. They want to
have all the fun under the sun because such opportunities ceases after
marriage. Their excuse is that life is fun! Hence enjoy while it
last.
Poor Hygiene
Though rare these days, there
still some ladies one could still refer to as dirty. Their clothes, living
environment, arm-pit, the mouth and other private areas are no go areas.
Cleanliness is next to Godliness. It is also a major criterion for long-lasting
relationship and possibly marriage.
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