‘BEING A FATHER IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM FATHERING A CHILD’

By: KEMI AJUMOBI

 

Tonye Cole, Co-Founder/Group Executive Director, Sahara Group

Father’s Day

The concept in itself is something that is strangely viewed in our cultural heritage. Fatherhood, for so long has been viewed as one of those things that happens when you get to a certain age and not something to be specially celebrated. My generation grew up not knowing what ‘Father’s Day’ was and indeed saw fathers as a figure to be wary of. They paid the bills but brokered no nonsense. They walked in majestically and everyone scampered into the shadows of the home. 

They ruled the home with a force of their manhood that left little room for argument. Much of this has changed today, brought about more by the children of our days who have imbibed the culture of the times and are much more engaging with their fathers than we were with ours. Through their eyes and their open hearts, I have come to appreciate the significance of having a symbolic day when the role the father plays in the lives of the children is recognised and appreciated.

My Father’s influence over my life

My father’s greatest gift to me in life is bequeathing me with the integrity of a good name. As a child growing up, it wasn’t clear to me the importance of not doing anything that would destroy the integrity of one’s name but this was extremely vital to my father. He carried himself with an air authority such that whenever he entered a room, there was no doubt in the space that somebody with aura had walked in, yet he never did so with any iota of pride nor did he rub it in the faces of those present. There was just something about his carriage that lent itself to commanding respect from his superiors, peers and subordinates alike. As I began to grow into the man I was shaping to be and started understanding the gravity of how scarce resource integrity is in our nation, especially amongst those who have held public office and operated in the higher echelons of power, I came to deeply appreciate the sacrifice made by my father to stay unblemished.

Father representative in my life

Different people inspire me in different ways but when it comes to one who does so in a fatherly manner, it would be Pastor E. A. Adeboye. I have known Daddy G.O. since I was 16years old and he contributed in no small means in opening the truth of God’s love for me. But if there is one thing he has inspired and impressed me the most by, it is the power of humility and holiness. Through his life, I have come to see just how powerful a force humility is and how deep in character a man must be to truly remain humble in the face of immense influence and power.

Making time for family

A few years ago, I made a conscious decision to ensure every holiday was spent together as a family. We bond by doing stuff together, especially things that require we confront our fears and overcome them. So we would encourage each other to go on the craziest roller coasters, the wildest rides and the steepest water slides discovering along the way that doing so as a family, we help each other to more than we would individually. Today, they are mostly adults and able to make their choices on what to do with their holidays but the bond of family time instituted through the years remain so strong we still opt to strengthen our bonds during these seasons.

 What every father must know

I would say it becomes obvious pretty quickly that being a father is very different from fathering a child. Fathers must learn to be accessible to their children and give them the comfort and confidence to see their father as a friend and a mentor. The greatest feeling of fatherhood comes when your child, male or female, is able to come to you to discuss an issue of profound importance to them they ordinarily would not have done. A boyfriend question from your daughter, an uncertainty of choice between conflicting emotions for a girlfriend from a son.

 

Naughtiest Teenage experience

If there was one running battle I had with my father all through my teenage years and into my early 20’s, it was over the use of his cars. On this score there was no compromise from him. My father is a collector of things so he buys in multitudes and cars was just one of those things he had many of but they were a no go area for his children. I just could not understand it especially since my father travelled more than anyone I knew, so it became a real game of stealing his cars as often as I could get away with doing so. One day, after one too many occasions, he had had enough and disowned both myself and my immediate younger brother (he had his own battles which had nothing to do with cars). Truth is my father could never disown us no matter what and most definitely not over a car but the mere thought had calmed me down for a season.

To my children on Father’s Day

I love them. I want each of them, TJ, Vanessa and Serena to know they have each surpassed by far who I was at their age and there is no better prayer a father can have than his children become greater than he is. It is vital they know I am a better man because of who they have become and they challenge me to consistently improve on myself, time and time again.

TJ Cole

My father Tonye Cole is an amazing man. Growing up I was always considered a mummy’s boy but my Dad and I have always had a special relationship, which has grown stronger over the years. My Dad is my mentor, my role model and my best friend. He is the man I can always go to for honest advice and if I am in any trouble. This has been especially true in recent years. His guidance and understanding has helped me through so many uncertain times, during my final undergraduate exams, through my masters and leading up to my first job offer. My dad has been my confidant throughout.

Apart from his level headedness and wisdom, my Dad is also an extremely caring man. This is evident when he enters a room and greets everyone like an old friend. This is one of the many things that makes him a special person and an amazing father. I admire him so much for his empathy and his kind hearted nature. For a man that is so busy, he always makes time for his family, which is another thing I admire. From phone calls, to emails and even hand written letters, we are always in touch no matter what part of the globe we find ourselves.

To summarise in so few words how amazing a man my Dad is would be impossible. The man has so many admirable qualities which is why he is much more than a father to me. He has set the example of the kind of man and father that I would hope to become one day. As his firstborn son and his name sake, my challenge is to follow his example.

My Dad is hugely successful and has many friends but it is his strong commitment to God that makes him extra special and the best father a son could ask for. Growing up with a man so devoted to God has definitely influenced me for the better. To see him wake up at the crack of dawn every morning to give praise and worship to God, is testament to his unbreakable faith. My father devotes much of his limited free time to the church and to philanthropic work. He often heads to Redeemed Camp or midnight vigil after a long day’s work. This has taught me the importance of hard work and commitment but has also taught me a deeper lesson which is that a good relationship with God is the ultimate key to success. I am thankful that I have a father that can also act as my spiritual guide to become closer to God.

This Father’s Day I would like to thank my Dad for always being there to support me, for helping me get to the place I am today. I know I could never have done it without him or with any other man as my father. He is the best father a son could ask for and the best man I know. I hope to be able to repay him through my own achievements to make him as proud of me as I am of him. Have a great Father’s Day Dad! See you soon.

Your Son,

TJ

Vanessa Cole

My relationship with my father is something that has grown over the years and continues further as our bond intesifies. I also like to consider myself as the daddy’s girl. Being away from him for some time during my childhood, I have learnt not to waste my time when it comes to opening up to him. Having my dad as a public figure, I have grown up having many people come up to me to express how much they admire him, and also how much of a compassionate spirit he has. We have this joke, whenever we are in a mall or an airport, concerning him meeting someone that he knows. Not to my surprise someone encounters him and I smile inside because he likes to pretend he has no idea who the person he’s been speaking to is. At first, as a child, I was envious concerning sharing my dad with other people, however I have learnt to appreciate that my dad keeps a part of himself for just those close to him. Understanding this, I forget about this feeling and appreciate the time and effort he puts to spending quality time with me and my siblings.

My dad takes extra care in making sure there is a day of the week he dedicates to spending time with us, when we are back from school. On these types of days, he rarely picks up phone calls and as such a busy man he leaves work related assignments for the following day. I can’t begin to imagine how much catching up he has to do however I can’t help but have a warmer heart when it comes to family because of the way he’s shown me how important it is to create such an intimate bond. Whether it be close or extended family, my dad is always creating time for events and get togethers because he is never one to make up an excuse. This shows me the care he has for people and its something I hope I’m learning to acquire. Saying no to family is not a gene in my dad’s body, especially weddings! The man must have a wardrobe filled with aso-ebi…lol!

 

On the subject of weddings, my dad has told me I must get married by 23. Yes, 23! You heard right… it was originally 22 but we negotiated…lol! I like to take this as a joke because on the low, I can’t imagine him waiting for the day for his little princess to move on, however I like to think he can’t wait for the family events such as these that will take his emotions to a new level.

My dad is a driven inspiration to many. But most importantly, he is God-loving and ready to share his walk with Christ to those who want to hear it. I hope to walk alongside him and fill the expectations he has for me. Happy Fathers Day Daddy, Love you unconditionally!

Serena Cole

My father has always played a special part in my life: from helping me through my many troubles to being a role model of success in religion, family and business.

When I was younger, I spent most of my time with my mother in England but we would always look forward to the short, frequent visits from our dad, bringing back gifts from his travels. Most important of these gifts, were the fridge magnets; I would love to arrange and admire our ever-expanding collection of magnets showing the large amount of places he had visited and we carry on this tradition to the places we go together.

My father is a wise man who would often lay important advice on us as children to help guide us through the dangers of life. I would probably call myself overly sensitive and whenever I would go to him with a problem, I would find a loving father ready with an anecdote to make me feel better.

As a result of having him as a father, my life has been enlightened and I have had experiences beyond compare. What I would like to say to him on this special day is: “You have always looked out for me, I am forever grateful and I will always love you for being such a good father to me.

Source: businessdayonline