Marriage is a game that involves two hearts coming together
to become one. More than anything, being blind to our spouse’s wants and needs
and also getting lazy in love is what kills the human spirit.
As humans, it is normal that we be selfish and self-centered
to a certain level, but some people are even much more selfish than others. And
this is not something that helps with the human spirit.
After I divorced my husband this year, I had to do some thinking,
during which I came up with a list of things that I hope will help some couples
who are in love and married people who haven’t come to a dead end in their marriage.
I’m sure there a lot more other reasons, but these are the
things that I know destroyed the spirit of two people (My husband and I) who
had a promising relationship, and which should accordingly be paid attention
to.
These are the 4 signs your marriage is destroying your
spirit, take it from a newly divorced mum who totally missed them.
1. You
stop making love
We want so much to be wanted and yearned for by the person
we love, we want intimacy and we crave the chemistry that occurs when we
kiss the lips of the one we love. But when something like making love on
the couch once in a while fades away in a marriage, then something really awful
is happening to the human spirit. Even people who have a hard time showing
their love want intimacy too. But most times it’s one of the first things that
fade away in marriages. We end up acting like two poles apart, we sit down on
the edges of the same couch yet we have no impulse nor the exciting urge to
quickly give our spouse a kiss. And this is so bad.
2. You bottle up
emotions
The idea of keeping things that are bothering us in our
minds for the sake of peace has been going on now for years, but the opposite
of what we want is what happens, we become upset and begin to resent our spouse
which is as a result of bottling up our emotions. Add anger to resentment and
you become a time bomb that can blow at any slight provocation.
In other to share a life together with your spouse, you need
to feel comfortable with each other, and that means you have to place all the
cards on the table. Often, this idea of bottling our emotions and thoughts are
conceived for so many reasons, and these reasons are untrue, a figment of our
imagination. What we are unaware of is the fact that it’s when we refuse to
work hard towards having trust, connection, openness and confidence in our
relationship that we begin to kill an own spirit.
3. Focusing on the
children
It is when most couples start having children that we
turn away from our spouse, and that is when we see and treat each other
differently. I agree that kids are very needy, and they will keep needing you
for a long time from the moment they are conceived till ….. And the efforts put
into giving them the time and support that they need can take its toll on a
couple. Although some handle it better, others begin to loose their spouse at
this time.
The romantic, independent, energetic, committed and sexy
wife becomes a driver, exhausted, workaholic, and an incapable woman when the
kid’s physical and mental well-being takes it toll. And so what the husband so
much loved in the wife is gone, and that’s why we need to be very careful when
we begin to have kids. It’s easy to forget the person you married when you are
faced with the toys, screams and fights of kids.
4. You stop
exercising
After my ex-husband and I started having kids, we were both
having a good life, working and taking care of our home. But I started putting
on weight, I ate late at night and I woke up early to take care of the children
and dress up for work. So it was hard to find time to hit the road or the gym.
You know how it is, wake up 5 am, sleep 10 pm, gives no time for me to
exercise.
It’s surprising how I let myself go in my marriage, for me
to drastically change so much in a marriage of 2-3 years is an indication that
a lot of other things are going wrong too. And I’m sure it was a large
turn off for my ex-husband to see the attractive girl he married, change to a very round, pot-bellied version of
herself.
I know I was wrong to have let go like that, indeed there
was no time to exercise because of how busy I was, and time was hard to come
by, but it really destroyed my spirit, self-confidence, and my overall outlook
of life.
Yet it was partly my fault, I let go, I stopped exercising,
and became very un-sexy.
I have learnt my lesson and I have learnt it the hard way.
Being a single mum is a journey I never thought I will embark on, and I wish I
could reverse the hands of time. So as you read, take note of the mistakes I
made and learn from them.
Source: Mamalette.com
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