By Femi Johnson
Starting a business is one of the most challenging things
you can do but indeed, a life changing decision. And one of the hardest parts
is that most people won't understand why you're working so hard,
especially when you're not making enough money compared to the efforts you
are investing.
They also won't understand why you're spending so much time
away from them.
Some of these people may even resent you for starting a
business. They'll try to drag you down emotionally, tell you your business idea
is silly and impossible or even try to sabotage your
efforts. You may think that explaining yourself to these people will
make things better. But in most cases, explanations won't help.
The best strategy for dealing with negative people you come
up against when starting a business is to avoid them completely.
Study has shown that ignoring negative people increased the
ignorer’s intelligence and productivity. The researchers examined 120
participants who had been asked to either talk with or ignore people who, in turn,
had been instructed to either be friendly or offensive to the
participants.
After four minutes of interaction, each participant was
given a thought exercise that required good concentration. The
participants who had ignored the negative people performed better on the
thought exercises than those who had engaged with the negative people.
The researchers therefore concluded that avoiding
negative people during adverse social interactions conserves mental resources.
Avoiding negative people, then, seems critical to
staying smart and productive while starting a business. If you want
your startup to be successful, make sure you avoid the following seven
toxic people:
The person who tells you you have only one
choice.
You never have only one choice. When someone gives you an
ultimatum and tries to make you choose between only two things -- them or
your business -- take a step back.
Offering a single choice to someone who actually
has many choices is known as Hobson’s choice. Thomas Hobson was a stable owner
in Cambridge who told his customers they could choose to either take the
horse in the stall nearest the door or take none at all. (Of course, those
customers also had the option of going somewhere else to get a horse, take more
than one horse, steal a horse and so on.)
The “or” was an illusion, however. Realize that “or” is a
power play: You always have more than two options. The next time
someone gives you an “or,” say "no thanks," you’ll take both. Turn
“or” into “and.”
Or, flatly refuse this toxic person and turn your
focus back to your business.
The person who tries to make you believe you
need him or her to be successful.
You don’t need someone else to be successful. Networking and
surrounding yourself with positive people is a force multiplier in any venture,
but the notion that you need other people to be successful is unhealthy. It
opens the door to people using you for their own private gain. Need then
quickly turns into neediness, which quickly turns into full-blown dependency.
So, be wary of negative people who try to make you feel
like you can’t do something on your own. If someone starts withholding
support from you unless you do what's demanded, ditch that person. Cut the cord
and find someone else who will support you and your business efforts without
any ulterior motives or strings attached.
The person who tries to make you feel that
it’s your duty to take care of them.
You are not responsible for other people’s happiness. When
grown men and grown women try to make you feel guilty for not spending time
with them or not doing what they want, it’s simply a power play. They want
to control you.
If you act as a crutch for people like this long enough,
your mind will become conditioned to sacrificial thinking. You’ll start to
believe that you have to sacrifice your happiness for others to be happy --
that you have to sacrifice your success for others to be successful. But this
is Hobson’s choice all over again.
Remember, you can have both. You and other people
can be happy and successful at the same time. The problem is that some people
don’t want to be happy and some people are too lazy to be successful. You’re
not responsible for these people. So, let them go. Stop being their crutch.
The person who keeps reminding you about your
past mistakes and current shortcomings.
Is there anything more annoying than finally making a
positive change in your life, only to have someone close to you remind you of
how many times you've messed up in the past? Everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone fails. Alot. You have to let this go. You have to forgive
yourself for everything.
If you don’t forgive yourself, other people will use your
guilt against you. They will control you with your past. They’ll make you
believe that you’re not allowed to take risks because you’ve made too many
mistakes in the past. Don't listen to these people. Instead, learn from the
past and then let it go. The future of your business is much too
interesting for you to stay buried in the past.
The person who slights your accomplishments.
When someone you know achieves something great, it’s normal
to feel a slight twinge of jealousy. Your brain will immediately try to compare
what the other person has accomplished to what you’ve accomplished. If the
other person has accomplished something better or different than you, your
brain will try to justify what happened so you don’t feel bad about yourself.
A mature person justifies other people’s accomplishments by
getting excited for them and thinking, "Wow, if I work hard, I can do
something like that, too." An immature person will justify other
people’s accomplishments by saying, "They got lucky" or acting as
though those others' accomplishments are worthless.
The only way to keep achieving bigger, better
accomplishments in your new business is to cut out immature people who try
to belittle what you achieve. At the same time, you have to be mature enough to
praise other people’s accomplishments and to freely help them achieve more.
If you want to achieve great things in your
business, start respecting other people's achievements.
The person who turns you into a worse version
of yourself.
Everyone has someone in his or her life that brings out the
worst in them. Maybe it’s a former, passive-aggressive colleague, a controlling
relationship partner or a possessive family member. Whoever it is,
stop letting this person hijack your personality. If you find yourself
thinking and acting foolishly around someone, stop being around that
person.
You know who you really are, and you know who you have to be
to reach your business goals. So, always be the best version of yourself,
especially when starting a business. And surround yourself with people who hold
you accountable to being the best you.
Yourself (your own self-sabotaging thoughts
and habits).
There’s only one person who can keep you from achieving your
biggest goals -- you. You are either your own worst enemy or your own best
friend. So, take a hard look at the bad habits and self-sabotaging tendencies
that might keep you from achieving your business goals.
Often, people sabotage themselves because they’re afraid of
succeeding. They’re afraid of losing their current identity. These people will
make great progress toward a goal and then suddenly, right before
achieving it, pull back.
The reason people pull back from success is because
they are more comfortable with their past selves than their future selves.
They’re uncertain of whom they will become (and if they can handle it), so
they fail on purpose. You must avoid this part of yourself. Let go of the
person you used to be and open yourself up to the person you can be. The
success of your business depends on it.
